cannot...

through depression, deep dark and evil
through a relentless ache that will not relinquish its hold
with the hopeless, helpless feeling that is unpredictable
i still hold a dream, a desire i still wish for those things that are not
i still nurture your well being my dream
through my failure to properly nourish you
you refuse to die
plaguing me daily, reminding me of what i said to me
"you promised we would keep going" you tell me
"i know" I say, "i'm afraid"
afraid of showing the world my idea afraid of the looks, the doubt do i dare reveal my difference?
the extent of my passions
the desire to present my pain, my joy, my love to the world in song, in poetry, in lights, in speech
i struggle with the will to survive
my sanity is more important to me than your feeling
regard for my well being ignored unintentionally
imaginary pressure i feel i can only continue to walk the path of the brave
having walked away from everything i've been taught
i have to stand on what i know and learn the rest as i go
i'm sorry i can't take your word for it i can't walk blindly toward my future
it doesn't feel right you see i cannot just take your word for it
i have to see, to study, to walk it, experience it in a world with a myriad of beliefs, gods, teachings, endings, beginnings...
you expect me just to take your word that you're right?
people perish for the lack of knowledge
if only you knew just how true and ironic that statement is...
if i perish, it will be time...but the lack of knowledge is not that which i desire to expire for...