inner turmoil flooding,
breaking the confidence now shaken in the blinded sight of a mistaken exchange,
I know the name...yet it escapes me finding that small piece in which it can find refuge,
because I refused to give permanent residence to the ruiner of such happy homes as a good man once said "that's how you end up old and alone"...
and I heed those words, can't afford to look at that too hard, I will find what I'm looking for in infinity, AND beyond, for what you "see" is truly what you get,
but not what you want.
How you can walk yourself out of your desire is beyond insanity,
for just to have faith in me is all that he's asking me...
that now, is a vision that must be achieved...

Untitled

You never miss someone that you pushed away until they decide they want to be gone
then you second guess, feeling that sudden unexpected pain, wondering
"is this for the best?"
then reflect
what was it driving that wedge
what drove you over that edge
making you walk away further...and further
"it's not about you"
you scream..."it's about me" on a sob
I lost myself within you! don't you see?!?!
I can't exist within your magnetic pull, slyly manipulative
I can't help but be confused, you claim innocence...so
I projected all of these things on myself?
I acted unaided? all alone?
I must be crazy...surely crazy
for if they said "it wasn't me"
surely they cannot be telling an untruth!
not knowing what to feel, what to do
part pain, part joy
I will still "Bless the Lord, oh my soul"

Beyond it all...

Beyond the deep words and heartfelt songs

Most of all it’s that I feel like I belong

With you

I feel like I can be me

I feel that there’s nothing that we can’t see

And conquer

You aren’t the greatest and I’m not the latest

Thing out there

But we most certainly make strong contenders

With the friendship most will never have, we make a love that lasts

Enviable I’ve said, but I can say it again

Our love makes others envy, even in fighting you can see love in me

And in you, adoration, admiration, and hunger, it’s palpable

Of our feelings there can be no doubt, and what we say is true

For you there’s only me and only me for you.

Happiness Series Poem #1

When unhappy, focusing inside, I cannot change
I've discovered a way to guarantee joy complete
I smile, a big smile, especially when I don't feel it
And internally, it seems to me, it gets right down in my spirit
My soul is lifted, my body relaxed
So much PEACE I feel
From the top of my head to the tips of my toes
No longer does it seem to matter anymore...whatever it was...

untitled short...

In the depths of a mind unexplored, lies the secrets of a heart untouched. Relative innocence within the walls of feigned wisdom give evidence to a lost identity. To find what's not lost is a futile mission, Self discovery is a falsehood, you've only to shed the masks you chose...

Redemption
Freedom
Deliverance
Words so freely spoken, not fully embraced
I can, release you from a bond
But if you don’t walk away...
What is free?
Are you delivered?
Questions already answered, but the answers not manifest
If you free yourself from the ties that bind
Were you ever really bound?
Was it a mere state of mind, your personal imprisonment?
Choose incapacitation?
We must be insane
If the battleground is truly the mind, most have already lost
Those who are “enlightened” must have a stronger delusion
To convince yourself you know the “truth”
A funny concept...truth
We know so much about truth, but the only control we have is over our own...
Every word, glance, smile I give you could be a lie
But if you view it as truth...which is it?
Everything is perception
On which illusion will you decide?

At times...
I don’t know what to do
How to express the range of emotions felt
I am fully able to handle the currents of anger
Familiar as they are, it’s quite easy
Harder to feel disappointment
To feel disrespected
Often, even with the times where you’re made to feel like your floating
If those times outweigh the others by a thousand
All it takes is that 1
That one time you feel forgotten
Disregarded...
Respect is such an...iffy word...
Means so many things to so many...
There’s that damned word again...
Perception...

From my heart pours a well
Many times over, spilling into my world
Inside a glass case
Sometimes frosted
Others very clear
Crimson tears and anguish
Wrenching and tearing with such force
Physically exhausted from the highs and lows
No one knows it, they just don’t know....
I’ve shed tears for you
I know it can’t be wrong
But these tears I’ve felt well up inside
It’s NOT what I want but what is
My heart pulls in different direction
A reflection of your heart in mine, it runs
Away, then to, so many things have my heart
Confused...

Good morning, good morning, good morning
A thousand of those and I still wouldn’t tire of being able to look at you face to face
With my, good morning
I say it every day to you
But it’s partially a lie
As no morning is at all complete when I don’t have you by my side
For my
Morning, I mean every day is a blessing, always
But my mornings shine brighter when I’m able to get up, crack of dawn as always
And see you sleeping, even if we aren’t in bed together
Just being around, knowing that I have you close to soothe away any remnants of a bad day
Makes me look forward to every morning from here to eternity

Sunny sensations
Happy proclamation
“i’m in love!” I shout
As I wake and see another beautiful day
Everything is brighter
I can see your smile
Even when you’re not here
I can remember your touch
When your presence I miss
And for a moment, it’s not so hard

I have such a yearning for you
Such a well of love and fear for you
My flesh turns away but my soul runs to you
I feel so complete in your presence
I can feel you within me, you’ve not forsaken me
It angers me to hear you’re not real, when I KNOW you
You’ve visited me, spoken to me, comforted me
Wiped my tears and held me when no one could
And I can just feel you...I feel you.
You fill me when you sense my longing, you have such a beautiful presence
I praise you for you think of me
I am unworthy.

I find myself ashamed and fearful
wondering how I can talk to you
how I approach you
a love so perfect, you ask us to strive
I feel defeated often before I begin
but a man, doomed from birth; in sin
how to maintain my optimism, or excuse me, my faith
when asked to fight to achieve something we've been told is unattainable
I feel like my life will end in disgrace
my hope is in you, and you alone
no faith in MY flesh, within me is nothing but wrong
the spirit is willing, but man is my flesh weak
a hunger so huge, which one will I feed
as my spirit starts to whisper
myself starts to scream
no one's righteous around me, only you know the heart
judged by many, hated by most
no longer a fight for your love, but a fight to be right
who can make it the fastest
man's shortcut to the stairway to heaven
ridiculous teaching, life passes you by
nothing but confusion is left behind
now who am I?
God who are you?
Deceived and tricked, trying to find the answer to the wrong question
the one at hand is now what will you do now that you know man is not the way?
how will you stand before Him in the last day?
will you excuse yourself because you were mislead?
no, but we did not have the vision, it said very clear
lean not to your own understanding
the answers were RIGHT HERE
all you have is the word, but you looked to the man
now neither one of you will make it
and all I can say is...damn...

momentarily stunned as I step outside myself, the view a surprise
such a different scene from the one I painted for me
I'm not sure I recognize this woman
the look, tormented, hardened
I can't imagine what inner turmoil lies within
deep rooted strangling tentacles choke the person within
it's written all over her face
once inside, the journey gets more
the outside a true reflection of the damage within
the agony of seeing the brokenness within
introspection's supposed to help! right?
how to climb out of a spiraling abyss of sadness
learning not to be the victim
the joy of the Lord must be my strength...but from where do I draw it?
I must not stop, can not give up, I've learned so much
gone through...so much
heaven only knows...

Call and response...

What I wrote:

as my thoughts crowd themselves and overflow, my heart cries with the ache of your missed presence...my mind can't wrap around the length of time stretched before us, as we wait, hardly able to see the silver lining on this rain cloud, the drops I feel are not welcome, my sunshine has gone away...there is none when you're not here...it's always too long...you're missed...

What he wrote:

listening to your heart cry drives me insane...dealing with the pain that is ...distance. Not distance between hearts...but distance between physical. Wanting your presence near...almost a fear of not basking in your shadow. Laying at night on half empty pillows, with a half empty heart. ..your lack of presence making me...incomplete...

My baby in response to Missed...

listening to your heart cry drives me insane...dealing with the pain that is ...distance. Not distance between hearts...but distance between physical. Wanting your presence near...almost a fear of not basking in your shadow. Laying at night on half empty pillows, with a half empty hard. ..your lack of presence making me...incomplete.

Missed...

as my thoughts crowd themselves and overflow, my heart cries with the ache of your missed presence...my mind can't wrap around the length of time stretched before us, as we wait, hardly able to see the silver lining on this rain cloud, the drops I feel are not welcome, my sunshine has gone away...there is none when you're not here...it's always too long...you're missed...

*blush*

As I

Feel

A heat

A drive

A pull

I panic

As I feel less

Control

Eyes wide

Lips trembling

A quiver

D

O

W

N

Senses awakened

As I’m taken

By your

Scent

Touch

My heart throbs

Your lips rob me of my sanity

A hand swiftly clutches the back of your neck

Crushing you to me

Bodies intertwined

Seeking

The parts that fit so thick

Insatiable, but satisfied

Gasping and reveling in that suffocation

...the sweetest pain

Love sustained...

I can see you clearly in my mind

You see straight through to my soul

I enjoy all the sensations you bring to me

Your life, love, friendship I’ve been blessed with

Sad most women don’t always get all three

We share what is unique

But should have a sense of normalcy

The shared glances, loving touch

How we gravitate toward each other, when ever we’re together

All the enviable, rare evidences of love

It’s regular to us

So sad the cynics who say it won’t always feel this way

The foundation we’ve built cultivates and refreshes

You have the ability to make me glow, my heart falters

So long as we know it, the world’s loss is our gain

Love clearly reigns

Lost...newly found

How did you get here
where did I go
I thought I knew me...
and now, I don't know
to live a lifetime
by another's words alone
holds the terror of a different hell
and yet I look back again
wondering if I should have been
still there, near where
the comfort of direction
no chance of introspection
just direction
follow
go
no
don't
solace in the following
so strenuous to lead
and it's easier said than done
to close those wounds that bleed
seeping, soaking, tearing my heart
but transition is better
for me, for us all
no one wants to see
what may have ruined it all...

Strength...

Unequivocally possessed

Indubitably mine

Against each other no defense

Behind enemy lines

A war of strength and power

Neither can concede

Perpetually on the brink of surrender

Hearts on our sleeves...

The clash of the Titans

The strength of our love is unparalleled

None could stand in its wake

Fiercely protected, defended...cemented

In its rapture fully unrepentant

Racism...prejudice...loneliness

You know they say it's possible
To be in a crowded room
Yet feel alone
You ever had to be the one
In a room of many?
Ever felt your smile droop a little
Eyes go tight with confusion
As you choose...decide
The reason why they
Wouldn't smile back, greet you
Look you in your eye?
Is it our fault
The only reference we have
Is the negative imprints of
Others racial handicaps?
To throw out inhibitions
Chuckle at the "black joke"
Not knowing if it's mocking
Or you just trying to fit in?
Well how about just being my friend?
how about you smiling, shaking my hand
Talking about the latest news
Instead of focusing on racial views
You say we make everything a race issue
But how can we see beyond you
To the meaning underneath
The sudden language change
Conversations wane
Realizing you're trying to relate...
I'm black, not alien!
I want to scream
But I sigh...crooked smile
Guess we'll try again tomorrow
To be lonely in a crowded room
Is the most cruel of sorrows...

Untitled

Good morning, love
So complete
My heart gets overwhelmed
And it starts to beat
Erratically
Sporadically
Don’t forget to breathe
When you look at me
It seems to be
A spell
Has come over me
I thought it wasn’t true
“everything is cool, when love is all brand new”
Oh but how sweet it is to be loved by you
Every DAY is new
The thought of you
Teaches my heart to smile
So all in all I would say
NEW love is worth my while

The Waight

Wait

Wait

Wait

Weight

Weight

Weight
The time I’ve waited has become this...weight
Waited...to start...waited to finish...
Now ready to live....
Have to wait to get it...

It is pulsing...my love...

Careful

It’s...fragile

Open...

Just for you

New

Vibrant

Swollen with emotion

Pride

Encased in a new place

Not rejected but coveted

Protected

Respected...

unnamed

Tremulous steps

Toward the depth

Of your grand canyon of

These things

Captivating...can’t walk away

Knowing certainly death awaits over the edge

An old hurt struggles...can no longer keep its hold

A new life gleaming

Appealing...held in those hands

Afraid...no more

I’ve looked to those hills...

My help was revealed

With no parachute

No thinking...just feel...

Miss Lizabee

Statuesque...

Thick if you will

My girl is

Fly

She’s a a di-va

But not self proclaimed

From her hair to her heels

Oh you’ll like what you see

Couture will be her claim to fame

Not that play play, my girl has a gift

That will soon sweep the nation

She catches everyone’s attention

Yet seems shy

Don’t make that mistake and underestimate

Swagger like hers people scramble to fake...

All kinds trip, stumble and fall to catch her eye

But in Him her heart is hidden

So I’m sorry my guy...

I can’t give you her number...

But on your own you may try...

Poetry...

I can't see

Breathe

Think

Concentrate

For thoughts of you

There's not a song

Not a sight

Not a corner I can turn

That doesn't evoke vivid images of you

There's not a height

Weight

Build

Smile

Feature

That could make me turn my head

For me

You're perfect

Every hair

Every look

Every flaw

Made just to compliment me

You are...

Faithless...

I’ve been confused, time and again

And the author of confusion is not God

Does that too, include you church?

You have had me perplexed, more than one time

Is that fault solely mine?
Is your purpose to drive away or beckon closer?

Is the word for the saint, or the sinner?

How do we learn, about a God of love

But in the midst receive from you hate?

How do you teach that we aren’t perfect

But present an image of self righteous, faultless, egotistical perfection?

How do you swear by the scripture that says not to judge

Yet turn up your nose at us, yes us

For we fall down...and WE get up

Again, and again...doesn’t it say, forgive seventy times seven?

Apparently you’ve been keeping track, and I’ve run out of chances...

I’ve heard sermon after sermon “No one has a heaven or hell to throw you in”

And “In order to truly live, you must kill your flesh”

Well neither do you, church, and your funeral is past due

Love is you...

More than words can say

More than I can feel

Sweeter than any honey bees can make

Faster than my heart can beat

Sensations like skydiving, no parachute

Falling deeper, faster, harder, longer in love

Blinding, scorching, consuming

Love

Climbing, building, overtaking

Suffocating, life sustaining

Never forsaken, I smirk as I see

The darkest heart, growing

Unfolding, blooming, blood flowing

Pulsing, living, smiling

Love...is you.

Displaced Anger...

dissatisfaction I'm feeling
cuz missin you is
all that I been thinkin of
it trickles down to our conversation
leaving huge gaps, and misery
forgotten for just a moment my heart
all I know is now
now I'm mad
and nothing to be done
it's not your fault or mine
how do we fix it?
not enough to end it
this too shall pass
all a part of the long run
wish I could fast forward past
the hard, the bad, the long nights
anticipating a touch that won't come
a look I can't see...a hug, a kiss
absence makes the heart grow fonder you say?
I'm not readily inclined to agree...
I don't know about you
but I'm not fond of tears
aching
waiting
ohhhhh, it's so hard!!!
but the love sustains
it keeps me focused
but momentarily
I couldn't be more pissed...

This love...

You make my heart flutter

My step hesitate

I run to you, but try to walk away

You have awakened me

From a dangerous sleep

Only true love's kiss

Could penetrate so deep

Ly, you love me

Specially...different...